Oh, I love paradoxes. This is a nasty one. You see, what keeps intimate relationships alive and thriving is not fear. It’s the joy. Fear of losing one another might be responsible for keeping you together. But if you have more attachment (scarcity-mode – what do I mean by that?) than relaxed joy (abundance mode), you either have one of those horrible zombie-relationships, or one of the partners is going to call quits on the...

I said earlier that 80-90% of conflict resolution is attitude, but for the remaining 10-20%there are also some skills & techniques you need to practice to effectively get others to “re-open their hearts” in tough conflicts. I’m taking this image from two mediation trainers I love and respect, Liv and Kay Larsson. (You can find their awesome book on mediation here). It all lies in your hands… The conflict skills...

Okay, so we covered the difference between needs and strategies and how to dissolve enemy images. Let’s drill a bit deeper now. The transformation happens, when… To let a transformation in a conflict happen, it’s good to have 3 things. 1) You care about all the needs in the room equally. When it doesn’t matter whether they’re your needs or the needs of the others, whether they’re needs that are easier to...

When I give trainings, one of the first exercises is asking people: “What are three actions that you can’t empathize with? Where even with all your understanding and love for humanity you say ‘I can’t understand how anybody does this!’?”. They then usually say something like “beating my own children”, “being a Nazi”, “raping someone”, “murdering someone” etc....

Yesterday I started with telling you why I believe conflict resolution is one of the most underrated but also most important skills when it comes to changing the world. So: How do you do it? How do you solve conflicts in a way that leaves everybody content? No suck-it-up-and-grin, no resentment left over, no breakdown in communications? For that, you first need to understand how conflicts arise. 1. What people want and need are two very...

I have this theory. A majority of the problems we as humanity are having right now are not solved yet because so few people know how to solve conflicts. Not manage, play down or compromise on conflicts, but solve them in a way that honors if not meets the needs of everybody involved & affected. This is one of the areas where so many people actually believe it’s impossible. “Heck, if I can’t even fight productively with my...