Oh, I love paradoxes. This is a nasty one.
You see, what keeps intimate relationships alive and thriving is not fear. It’s the joy.
Fear of losing one another might be responsible for keeping you together. But if you have more attachment (scarcity-mode – what do I mean by that?) than relaxed joy (abundance mode), you either have one of those horrible zombie-relationships, or one of the partners is going to call quits on the relationship sooner or later.
The break-up might come on its own (rarely), or it will happen, because it is triggered by one of the partners falling in love with someone new (very often).
If the second thing happens, in a fear-scarcity-based relationship you’re trying to keep the two of you together by tightening the ropes, by locking the cage. You’re also blaming the trigger (the bad person that stole your partner), not the cause (the numbness of your relationship).
In a joy-abundance-based you’re trying to strengthen the relationship by doing things that make your mutual magnetism stronger.
Like really accepting the needs of your partner, even if their wishes are painful to hear.
Like working through your conflicts, not running away from them.
Like caring for the healing of your old wounds that are triggered by what your partner does (e.g. fear of not being good enough, fear of not being worthy of love etc – here’s how the first step in resolving those works) – one of the most effective things you can do to develop an abundance mindset.
Like trusting life in that if your relationship was strong enough it would be kept up even if your partner was also in love with someone else (and maybe living that love as well – polyamory hello). Or that if it wasn’t strong enough it’s good that you found out and can direct your life energy to building and maintaining relationships that are a stronger fit for your needs and values.
The cage is easy at first, because we know it, but it will be responsible for the death of a relationship. (Be it break-up or zombification.)
The magnetism thing is scary at first, because you’re abandoning supposed securities. And it’s painful, because working through old wounds is usually painful and sometimes tedious. But you’ll come out stronger, happier, more relaxed, more centered (and thus, more attractive).
Building a cage or strengthening trust and magnetism. Your choice.
(This is the article of day 23 of the 30 day blog challenge. To be notified of new posts, subscribe to the mailinglist on the right.)
Photo Credit: Sam Howzit